Choosing ACCEPTANCE, rather than tolerance, is key

If you eat less calories than you burn you will experience hunger, burn fat stores and lose weight.  If you can't tolerate hunger, and go ahead and eat what your body needs (or more) you will never lose weight.  If you can TOLERATE hunger, you can lose weight but it's very, very difficult.  If, instead, you choose to practice ACCEPTANCE of hunger (keep your equanimity and choose to see it as OK, appropriate, not a threat to you, no big deal, just a signal or sensation coming from your body), it's very easy to lose weight.  Choosing to fast for a day (perhaps with 3 tiny cups of juice or pieces of candy) has been a great way for me to practice transforming tolerance into acceptance, not just in the weight-loss arena, but in other realms as well.  (see similar ideas below in my homily, "I can't dance well if I have a stick up my butt.")

 If you can't tolerate some traits of your spouse you will never stay married.  (intolerance is deadly.)  If you can tolerate their quirks/weaknesses/rough points (e.g. need for power & control, tendency to criticize or whine, cynicism, pessimism, totally unrealistic optimism, exaggerations, lies, lethargy, stuckness, fear of growth, worry-mind, defensiveness, self-centeredness, tendency to interrupt, sexual imperfections, prejudices, emotional baggage, profligate spending, messiness, burps, farts in inopportune places, beer belly, vanity, laziness, irresponsibility, rudeness, etc.) you can stay married, but it's very, very difficult.  If, instead, you choose to practice ACCEPTANCE of their difficult, suboptimal traits, it's very easy to stay married.  . . . and enjoy the positive thoughts and feelings that accompany relationship wellness (“love”, if you will).  If you catch yourself TOLERATING your mate's weaknesses (i.e. being grumpy about them and wishing they weren't there) and then choose to ACCEPT them (because they are there for thousands of reasons from their past, because they have come to them honestly, because all people are imperfect, because then they are more likely to accept your weaknesses) you have taken control of your monkey mind and transformed your reaction to reality (the way things currently are), so that you then don't suffer the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings of tolerance.  Instead of getting bent out of shape, you have chosen to maintain your equanimity.  Ideally, you then choose to practice POSITIVE thoughts and feelings about your lover (appreciation, respect, gratitude, kindness, generosity, affection).

 Your lover is imperfect but lovable.  If you don't practice loving thoughts and feelings about them, it's due to problems you have controlling what thoughts and feelings happen in your mind and heart. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder . . .  and love is in the mind and heart of the beholder.  Perhaps our main task in life is to accept responsibility for and control what thoughts and feelings we have in the next 2 seconds . . . perhaps the only things we can control.  Almost always we’re our own worst enemies.

 Probably it’s wise to accept most things about reality (e.g. the weather, our aging bodies, your lover’s imperfections, other people’s valid opinions that differ from your own, a baby’s crying), and tolerate many things . . . but not ALL things.  There are a few things a wise person should not tolerate.  And a wise person doesn’t just accept all of their own weaknesses, just like a wise gardener doesn’t accept all the weeds in their garden.  A wise person very often looks for ways to have more virtuous, loving thoughts, feelings, and habits; they have ongoing self-improvement projects (just like a wise gardener is always vigilant and looking for ways to have a more optimal garden).   Friends and lovers should help us, when asked, with our plans for healthy growth.  Unfortunately, all too often, they criticize us & try to whip us into shape in ways that THEY think we should grow, and that can be counterproductive . . . or even fatal to relationships.

Comments

[Sussy Hidalgo]

There is a lot to talk about this, including discrepancies, but what I want to know is how can you ACCEPT hunger, because when I am really hingry I am weak, can't do anything and sometimes even my stomach aches.